Blinded by Love: Don’t marry the wrong person

Okay, so I know you may have looked at the time and wondered, why is this so long? But there is good reason for that. In this we are going to be looking at just about all of the criteria there is to consider when considering who to marry. Marriage is the single biggest decision that you will ever make, apart from deciding to follow Jesus. And therefore, if you are serious about wanting to marry, you should be extremely serious about how. How to know whether the person you're considering is the one for you. Because this person would be your life partner, your ministry partner, and you don't want to enter it blindly. Love is blind. Many of us have experienced this, being in love with someone and finding ourselves overlooking, even intentionally red flags in the person's life because we really want this relationship to work out and be approved of before ourselves and others. But I want to submit to you that while the world says love is blind, I tell you, love isn't blind if you just opened your eyes. But most people choose not to. Or when they do open their eyes, they don't know what to look for. And so in this video going to show you how to open your eyes so that you can walk into marriage not with blindness, but with eyes wide open. Even the best of marriages are hard, and marriage is probably the last thing you'd want to rationally enter. Just because you feel romantic feelings towards someone, marriage just because you have feelings for them, in fact, is one of the most reckless things you can do. Whether someone's character is deeply considered is the responsible thing to do. Ancient Israel had a king called King Solomon, and he made a big mistake. Even though he was the richest and most prosperous of all and had the most wisdom of all, at the same time he had a downfall. And that was regarding love. In 1 Kings 11:2 we read from the nations concerning which the Lord had said to the people of Israel, you shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you, for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods. Solomon clung to these love. When it's written that Solomon clung to these strange foreign women who were worshipping other gods who had questionable morality, his response was that he is going to cling to them in love, see, to say, but I love him, I love her. It's not a good sole reason for marriage. It wasn't a good reason for Solomon, and it's not a good reason for you. But watching this video is already a good indication to me that you're interested in making sure in looking past a feeling of love. So we're gonna look at questions that you can ask yourself when you're considering a potential future spouse. But first, a few things about marriage. Marriage is a lifelong covenant unto death. You don't get to exit marriage because the feelings of love wanes and divorce, as according to the Messiah, Jesus said that from the beginning it was not so, but Moses allowed you divorce because of the hardness of your heart. Divorce is not supposed to be something that's happening among believers, and we as believers should not even have divorce on our mind as a potential exit strategy in case this potential marriage doesn't one day work out. Divorce is only for the worst of the worst situations like adultery, because God hates divorce and commands those whom God has joined together to not be separated. We must take that covenant very seriously for those who are invested in God's kingdom. As a believer, marriage is not just a life decision for themselves, but also a kingdom decision whereby we see marriage as a kingdom partnership by which the couple builds God's kingdom in, in and through their marriage. Marriage, of course, can and does exist in this world without it being a ministry partnership at all. It does not depend on it being a ministry partnership. But if the kingdom is most important to you as a single person, you must aspire naturally for a marriage that follows suit. Another thing about marriage is that marriage is laying down your life to accommodate the desires of someone else. And so if that other person has evil desires and evil ideologies and thinks the ways of the world and they want to pull you into it, you will have great conflict and difficulty throughout life. Marriage can create the happiest moments of someone's life, but also of the most unhappy and difficult trials. If married to a terrible person, all people fall short of the glory of God, his perfection, his holiness. And we have to start with ourselves. But that does not mean that God does not want us to marry equally yoked. And I say these things to you because, to be honest with you, my most people don't talk about the fact that this is such a big deal. They leave young people to make this big decision on their own without giving them the cautions and the warnings of what to look out for and how things actually can and does go very wrong for people who make the wrong decisions every day. So when you're speaking to a person that you're interested in, don't skirt around issues or compromise out of desperation to be with someone and not to be lonely. It's actually better to be single forever than to marry prematurely out of desperation making a mistake. And the Bible is not Shy to make this clear for us, we read in Proverbs 21:9, it's better to live in a corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. And speaking of being single, while this world calls being single a curse for an adult, the Bible has a very different teaching. Teaching. In fact, in 1 Corinthians 7, Paul wished that all believers would be as he is, unmarried for the sake of serving God. Now this is not a law, this is not a rule. There's no sin or non sin involved here as to where you land. But Paul makes a good case that many are actually called to be single and that it shouldn't be seen as a curse, but as a blessing in its own right. In 1 Corinthians 7, 8, we read to the unmarried and the widows, I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. I think that in view of the present distress, it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned. And if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles. And I would spare you that. This is what I mean. Brothers, the appointed time has grown very short, and from now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none. These are some strange statements. In a world like today, those who have wives, let them live as though they had none. Now, Paul is not being literal. He's not saying that you should forsake your family, your wife, or not take care of them. On the contrary, Paul has already established the importance of serving them, loving them, and that the one who doesn't provide for his household is worse than an unbeliever. But Paul is using hyperbole here to make an important point. He's referring to the eternal and kingdom matters that are now before us all. For the time is ticking and short and people are dying and they need to hear about the Gospel so they may be saved and then thereby, if that's the most important thing in the universe, salvation, let our marriages become an instrument that also works that out, while of course at the same time always fulfilling our responsibilities towards our spouses and our family. So while marriage is a lifelong covenant, when speaking of this life, when we speak eternally, marriage is temporary, for it ends in death and do not continue into the next life. As Yeshua said in Matthew 22, we will not be married in the kingdom to come. Therefore, no Christian should place their temporary commitment to their spouse above their eternal service to Christ. We have been called to love our spouses, but our call to love Christ always comes first. To demonstrate this, Jesus also uses hyperbole in Luke 14:26 when he says, if anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father, mother, wife, children, brothers and sisters, yes, even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Therefore, it should seem obvious now that if you're a serious believer seeking marriage, let it be for the goal of serving God's kingdom. Those who are not serious believers or those who are in the world, they will seek marriage to serve their own life and their own goals. Depending on where you're at with this, your criteria for choosing a spouse will be different. Not necessarily wrong, but different. And so this teaching is dealing with people who are serious believers on far from God and who want to love a fulfilling marriage in servanthood to God. So let's think about some things to look out for. What I'm about to tell you are not laws. It is not a sin if you hadn't considered these or if one or two of these red flags are breached. However, they are all to be deeply considered and you should be cautious around these situations. Number one, let them be on fire for God. Yeshua commanded an on fire lifestyle for believers. Now what I mean by that is when he said, pick up your cross and follow me. This call to die to oneself, die to one's own aspirations at times, die to what you want for the sake of serving him is the most fundamental step in in becoming a follower of Jesus. He said, if you are not willing to pick up your cross, you're not worthy to be his disciple. So if you are an unfarmed believer, I expect that you are pursuing picking up your cross and that you would want to marry someone who has. But if you're a believer and you're not on fire for God yourself, you haven't picked up your cross, you haven't laid down your life to become his servant, then I'd say focus on your relationship with God first. And a time of being single is the ideal time to prepare yourself in your relationship with God for your own facing of God one day. Never mind a spouse if God has that in store for you. And then foremostly you're gonna ask when you meet someone, are their hearts on fire for God? Are they utterly sold out for the Kingdom of God? Now you may say, well pd, they are utterly sold out for the Kingdom I think but they are not really into theology or you know, he's sold out for the kingdom but you know, he's not like super passionate about God and the way he speaks and thinks and lives. See, this is where we have to be careful of the excuses. You don't need to be an introvert to study yourself approved and love theology. Nor do you need to be an extrovert to have a passion for God. These things are not dependent on callings or personalities. They are non negotiable parts of being a believer. Let a believer be passionate and let a believer grow to love his word. And if they don't, then there is an immaturity there. And so when we talk about finding someone who's on fire for God and seeing that as a non negotiable, a lot of people gonna look to and they're going to call you too radical, too serious and that you're never going to find someone, don't listen to them. If I may just speak personally for a moment. If the other person is not on fire for God. I would rather never marry anyone than marry someone who's lukewarm or an unbeliever. And I say that without exception. Speaking personally, I said that before I met my beautiful wife Christina. And I say that today I would not have married her if she would not have been on fire for God having a sold out life for him. No matter how pretty, no matter how much I liked her or loved her in other ways. If that fundamental aspect was not in place in her life, I simply could not even consider her for marriage. And she says the same of me. So this is one area that if you ignore a person's lukewarmness, turn a blind eye to will catch up one day and make your relationship with them less satisfactory in terms of kingdom work. Now that doesn't mean that the marriage is doomed. It doesn't mean that you can't be married. Who you marry and what you decide to compromise on, that's between you and and God. And that is not a sin in of itself. It is your choice. And God gives you freedom to choose who you marry. But I do share all of this as wisdom for your own sake. And if you're battling this with someone right now on what to do, I get it. In the short term you're excited about this person, you have feelings for this person, you want things to work out. But do remember that marriage is a lifelong long term decision. So you must think about God's kingdom and ministry work that is meaningful. For eternity in your marriage. And a quick word to those who are in marriages with lukewarm spouses or unbelieving spouses who don't care about God, his kingdom or ministry work that does not need to stand in your way of serving God as an individual. You can still serve the poor. You can still attend fellowship. You can still tell people about Yeshua and share the gospel. You can still worship God in spirit and truth. There are many believers married to lukewarm or unbelieving spouses and things for them are not without hope, even if things can be difficult at times. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:16 for how do you know wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know husband, whether you will save your wife? Next we're going to talk about addictions. Addictions are a huge red flag even, and especially addictions that have an innocent appearance, for they are the ones we most easily can overlook. If the person that you desire to marry is unable to exercise self control, do not be naive to think that that sin will not permeate every area of their life. Addiction is a form of slavery, and if you marry an addicted person, you are marrying someone who is still a slave. You are marrying an addictive personality. Why do I say that? See, in this world we have this term. Some people have an addictive personality. An addictive personality is not something that you are just born with. It is something that is a behavior. Addiction, no matter what addiction is more than the sum of the single addiction that they are fighting. Addiction to anything is the sign of a spiritual vulnerability in someone's flesh which also will spread into other areas of their life. The question is not whether they can stop their drunkenness, excessive gaming, watching pornography, or excessive eating, but if they will replace that addiction the moment they do get over it. If we do not deal with that slavery at its root, it will bleed into other areas of their life. Considering lack of self control, a person struggling with addiction needs deliverance and freedom, and getting married to them will not be the mechanism that delivers them. Many people think that getting married is going to solve problems. It will not. It will only make things more difficult because before marriage they are putting their best self first. They're trying to impress you. They're trying to get you closer. They're trying to get you to marry them. So if you are married to them, the chase is off and the guard comes down and anything that was even a minor issue can grow into much bigger issues since they're no longer masking anything. So you need to ask and you need to look. Do they have habitual sins? They're still a slave too, and I would not close yourself off to outside perspectives on this. When we really want someone to be the one, the one we want to marry, we will even fool ourselves and lie to ourselves at times about the red flags. We live in a time and an age right now where it's no one else's business who an individual chooses to marry. But this cultural trend of not considering wise counsel is dangerous. There are people around you, your parents, your family, who know you, who love you, who care for you, and who want the best for you. And they should also be considered for wise counsel when evaluating whether this guy or this girl is going to be a suitable life partner. Trustworthy and believing Friends and family should investigate and should speak up when they see real concerns in someone. So let your parents get to know the person you're interested in and consider what they have to say and what they think. It's not always easy to spot manipulation when you're on your own. Another thing to look out for in the other person is consider how they treat their family and parents. Too often, how they treat those closest to them currently will be a mirror of how they will end up treating you. In 2 Timothy 3:5, Paul warns us against those who have an appearance of godliness but who deny its power and tells us to avoid such people. He explains exactly what he means by those who deny the power of God, and He says in 2 Timothy 3:2 for people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God. He goes on to say, for among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at the knowledge of the truth. Paul lists an array of things that we need to watch out for and to stay away from people who have this behavior, and among them, people who are disobedient to their parents. I would also want to let you see that he describes these people as always learning and never able to arrive at the knowledge of the truth. I find it ironic that sometimes we consider someone who is a truther, always looking for truth, to be the qualifier that makes us compatible with them, while Paul actually lists the one who runs after new knowledge, always learning but never able to arrive at the knowledge of truth as a red flag. For the knowledge of truth is the Messiah himself, the first love of salvation, spreading that truth and salvation to the world. It's not about running from conspiracy theory to conspiracy theory, but arriving somewhere, arriving at the Messiah, being satisfied with him, fulfilled by him, and running after him together. Next up, what we will need to look out for is how they respond to conflict. Within marriage, you will inevitably have disagreements, and a healthy approach to resolving conflict is important. What is of utmost importance is whether they take accountability when they make mistakes. Marriage is a place where both people are going to make a lot of mistakes, say things they shouldn't have said, do things they shouldn't have done, and they have to grow from that together. But without taking accountability when we have made a mistake means that we rob ourselves and our spouse from growth in ourselves. And so it is essential that a person is someone who is humble and able to take accountability when they mess up. If they don't, if they refuse to, if they're incapable of doing so, then how will they be able to be a partner who you can trust with overcoming any obstacles that inevitably will come across your marriage and any future things that will come up that we will have to address together that you may have disagreements on. If they are a person who never budges, who never compromises, never sees your perspective, never wants to consider you because they love you, but is only after their own desires, that's not a person that's going to be easy to navigate life with. Marry someone who is humble. Also, within the arena of conflict, we want to watch out for silent treatments. It is okay for people to take time away when they have been in a heated argument, to process things, to consider and to get their thoughts together. But it's never okay to use silence and distance as manipulation in order to control the other person. Also look as to whether the person is someone who is typically holding grudges and unforgiveness in their heart over past conflicts. For if they have not forgiven those who have wronged them in their past, how will they forgive you when you inevitably do something that's going to wrong them? We will wrong one another at times in marriage. We will hurt one another at times in marriage. It is an unfortunate part of marriage and we must then forgive one another quickly, as we have been commanded to do. In Colossians 3:12 we read, put on then as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience bearing with one another. And if one has a complaint against another forgiving each other. As the Lord has forgiven you, so you are must also forgive. And above all these, put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. Next up, what we're going to want to do is ask them questions on theology. Go deep on this, and don't just stay on the surface. Just being someone who is religious, someone who says we're for God, someone who goes to church, and someone who keeps the Sabbath, someone who has all of these superficial checkboxes in place that we consider at times as being a qualifier, is not enough. And these matter. But the Pharisees who crucified Yeshua were people who kept the feast days, kept the Sabbath, kept the Torah, went to synagogue every Sabbath, sat in the front row seat at the feast. They were respected men, and yet they were crucifiers of the Messiah, conspirers against God himself. I'm sure that all of their spouses would say they're kind, that they love them, that they keep the law, the feast, the Sabbath, the Torah, that they're sitting in the front or a seat at the synagogue. But that doesn't mean that they were actually people who are empowered by God and of true faith in the true Messiah. We must inspect their fruit carefully along with that theology. And a passion for the Torah without a passion for their first love, that is salvation. And bringing salvation to other people is a theological red flag. The Messiah's name, Yeshua, literally means salvation. It's important, it must be important to them. It must be first and foremost, it must be their first love. If their first love is a theological doctrine and not the Messiah, be careful, that is a red flag. Because loving a doctrine more than the Messiah does not produce good fruit. It produces the Pharisaic mindset that crucifies the Messiah. For they thought they were upholding the law, but they crucified the Messiah of what they thought was upholding the law. And when we speak about that important relationship with Yeshua they ought to have, are they only increasing that relationship with Yeshua to convince you to marry them? Or did you find them on fire, in love with Yeshua, serving him already? Did you find them busy with the ministry God is giving them, or are they only now starting to get that started once you got into the picture? They need their own independent relationship with God. And if their relationship with God is merely powered by a switch they turn on and off depending on whether you're around, that's not going to sustain sustain that relationship. That is not going to power the light that is to be in them. A light switch in truth doesn't power a light. A power plant powers a light. The Holy Spirit must be in them, must be their passion, and must be the reality that has their light shine all days, whether you're around or whether you're not around. One way to test this is to see how much of your conversation with this person naturally flows towards the things of God and theology. If speaking about God is awkward, unnatural, rare, or even invites irritability, then the spiritual dynamics of are off and this is a massive red flag. I cannot stress this enough. Conversations between two on fire believers will naturally include God, often without hindrance and with passion. Pray and ask the Lord to guide you, give you wisdom, and also pray with your family and also pray with the person itself. Keep your focus on the Lord in the relationship and as we start concluding this, I want to take a few moments to speak about personal stewardship. Are they personally fulfilled in their life without your involvement in their life? Are they happy and satisfied? Or are they broken and confused because marrying them is not the solution to healing them. They need Christ. That is what's going to fulfill them. That is what's going to heal them. Also consider financial stewardship. Ask them about their financial stewardship. Are they investing in their own skills, in their own career, saving for their future and planning to have a family? And if they have debt, which in of itself is not a problem, of course, what is their attitude towards debt? Do they plan on taking care of it? Or are they ranking up credit card debt as we speak instead of following a budget? This can be something that they just need to learn, but it can also be a red flag that shows us more about their personality and whether they can show accountability for any mistakes of the past that they have made. Please bear in mind that financial difficulty and disagreements are of the most primary reasons people have large disputes in marriages. And now something for the ladies regarding considering a man for marriage. Ask if this man is actively accountable to others, ready to receive correction and submitting to the counsel of others and those more mature than he is regarding matters of faith. If he does misbehave, if he does mistreat you, if something goes wrong, you want him accountable spiritually to people around him. Another thing is stewardship of time. Do they steward their time well? Or is there a dangerous imbalance in their life regarding distractions, even innocent sounding ones that they have not learned to control? If he's playing video games all day long instead of getting out there, refining his skills and refining his career, so he can provide, refining his spiritual life, being out there in ministry, working unto the Lord, serving other people, that's a big red flag. And don't think that your marriage is going to solve it. Also ask then last but not least, regarding children. Whether they want children, how they believe children should be raised, whether you're going to take them to school, homeschool, all matters of children. Have the conversations. And so as we conclude here, I want to remind you that this is not a list of laws that need to be applied, but considerations. And also remember that you will never be able to find a perfect person to marry, but we can find a spiritually healthy person, a response responsible person, and a person who's going to be a partner. Equally yoked with us. If you are already married and you've been looking at this teaching and during the course of this video, maybe you even identified some of these behaviors in your own spouse. I want to remind you that in this video I've presented ideals, not law, and each person must decide for themselves who they will marry and what they will compromise on. All marriage includes compromise as a natural part of it. All marriages will also struggle at times of difficulty. And the marriages that do last are not marriages that had a perfect partner, pig of a partner who was perfect from the beginning until the end. No, it's not a marriage that's never going to have difficulty, no. But those who responded biblically when they had difficulty, those who loved and served one another in the midst of disagreement difficulty, and who compromised where possible in order to have the other person's desires met. It is those who take accountability, who love and serve one another, make sacrifices and work together. And through that you can overcome anything through the power of Christ. I also want to remind you that a spouse who is no longer passionate about God or who even falls away from God in the midst of marriage itself is not grounds for divorce. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:12 to the rest I say I, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. And if any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. Ultimately, this video is directed towards single people evaluating a potential spouse, not married people considering divorce. And now as we conclude, I'd love to pray for you in this journey. Father, I thank you for the callings that you've given us, callings to singleness, callings to marriage, and whatever the calling is that you have for us, Holy Spirit, we recognize that without your intervention we have no hope. You must guide us. You must lead us. Your voice is what matters. Open our eyes so that we can go with eyes wide open into any potential marriage. Help us to see any red flags that you're trying to show us. Help us, Lord, to love our spouses as Christ loved the church. Father, I pray that you would help us to be a people who is patient in waiting while being single and also a people who have eternal perspectives, our eyes being on your kingdom, whether we are in a season of being single or married need let us serve you. Let that goal never change and let your kingdom be at the forefront. Let those who have spouses love as though they had none, as Paul said, and let those who have none remain as he is passionate about God's kingdom. Father, I thank you for the call to be a picture if we are married, of Yeshua and his bride. Help us to enter marriage responsibly so that that picture may be upheld always. Father, let above all your words be what guides us. Let your spirit be what guides us into all that is true. And Father, if where you are leading us is a place where we do not want to go, if it meant cutting off a boyfriend or a girlfriend because they are not a good fit for us, give us the strength to do that. Give us your peace. Give us the conviction of where you want us to go. We pray all this in the name of Yeshua. Amen. Thank you for joining me. If this teaching has been a blessing to you, consider sharing it with single people, young people, so that we can see a generational rise of marriage that are on fire for Yeshua and after his kingdom. Many blessings to you and shalom to you. It.