Samson & Delilah: The Anatomy of a Toxic Relationship

The desire to serve, to sacrifice, to give our love and our hearts to others, is part of the attributes of Christ. But what if those beautiful sacrifices that we can give to others are taken advantage of? What if the person on the other end is seeking to figure out what your vulnerabilities are so that they can destroy you spiritually, physically, emotionally? It is important for us to evaluate our relationships, our friendships, because in the story of Samson and Delilah, we see an example of an unhealthy relationship that compromised Samson's spiritual health, his emotional health, and ultimately his physical life was threatened. And it all started with a soft spoken woman who had words that was tempting Samson to give his heart to her. Alright, so the story starts with Samson. And Samson is a very strong man, to say the least. He's recorded to have killed a thousand Philistines with the jaw of, of a donkey. Okay, so Samson's a special guy. He's this ultimate representation of strength, power, and no one is stronger than he is. But we also see that his strength is then suddenly being contrasted with this soft woman who's feminine and who's drawing his heart and who is opening some of herself up to him. And there's this love relationship that's starting between the two of them. And Samson is a man so strong that the devil saw that he could not overpower with strength, but only with words, not with a sword, but with a tongue. We read about delilah in Judges 16:4. It says after this, he loved a woman in the valley of Sorek whose name was Delilah. Okay, so first off, Samson loved. Love can be a wonderful thing. And love can be a dangerous thing. And in Samson's case, this love was dangerous because it would blind him. See, in the beauty of love, it allows us to overlook imperfections in people, because that's what love is, right? Love is being willing to show love to someone despite the fact that they have weaknesses, have sinned, have made mistakes. But if love becomes something that blinds us to the point where we become spiritually blind to what is in front of us, it can also become a dangerous thing. And for Samson, it would become a horrible thing. We read in verse five, the lords of the Philistines came up to Delilah and said to her, seduce him and see where his great strength lies and by what means we may overpower him, that we may bind him to humble him. And we will each give you 1100 pieces of silver. So Delilah said to Samson, please tell me where your great strength lies and how you might be bound that one could subdue you. So we see that Satan comes through Delilah, and he is looking to bind Samson, because Samson is a threat to the Philistines, whom Satan wants to use to destroy Israel. And so now Samson's spiritual calling, being born a Nazarite, having this long hair, being anointed from heaven, Satan's threatened by him. And Satan looks and asks, what is Samson's strengths? What is Samson's weaknesses? Because if I can figure out what his weaknesses are, I can use his weaknesses against his strengths, and I can squish him. And that's what Satan wants to do with us. He's looking at, what are our weaknesses? What are our strengths? Samson was strong. That was his strength. But his weakness was that he was wanted to be loved so much that he would go to the ends of the earth for it. And because he likely faced rejection in his life, especially being born a Nazarite, being set apart, being very different from all other men, that breeds opportunity for, well, I want to fit in. I want to be accepted. I want to be loved. And now there's this woman, and she's giving me this love, and I want to show her love, and I want to give my heart to her because I feel happy. And so next, what happens is Delilah makes her first move. And we read first in Judges 16:7, that Samson said to her, if they bind me with seven fresh bow strings that have not been dried, then I shall become weak to be like any other man. And she had men lying in ambush in an inner chamber. And she said to him, the Philistines are upon you, Samson. But he snapped the bowstrings as a thread of flax snaps when it touches the fire. So the secret of his strength was not known. So Samson is smart. He does not reveal the actual secret of his strength, which is his long hair. And he gives her a decoy, and she goes for it. And she exposes herself because she has set Samson up to be captured by Philistines. But it doesn't end there, because we have a second betrayal. Delilah tries it again, and we see Samson say to her this time, well, if they buy me with new ropes that have never been used, then you know, you've got. You've got me. Delilah tries that, and the same thing happens. Samson breaks the ropes. Then she tries a third time. And Samson says, if you weave seven locks of my head, that's going to be my weakness. But of course, that's also not it. And Delilah is now getting really frustrated with Samson, right? She is manipulating him, and she gets so upset when he does not give her his own life. And she says this. Look. Look at this. Judges 16:10. Then Delilah said to Samson, behold, you have mocked me and told me lies. Okay, so Delilah is really strangely coming with, well, you're the one, Samson, who's deceived, who's deceiving. You're lying to me. You're not being honest to me. And so she's. Instead of taking responsibility for the fact that she's trying to kill him and sell him to the Philistines for 1,100 pieces of silver, she's projecting her guilt onto Samson and saying, hey, you need to stop lying to me. And then she also said in verse 15, how can you say to me, samson, I love you when your heart is not with me? You have mocked me these three times, and you've not told me where your great strength lies. And so we now see Delilah comes with this thing of, well, if you really loved me, Samson, then you would give your heart fully to me and reveal this great vulnerability to me. And so she weaponizes love, the love that God has made. God has made love. God has given us love for one another, and she weaponizes it to manipulate. See, brothers and sisters, our God has called us to love. But when there is someone who is trying to destroy us, like Delilah, we have to be careful, because God has not called us to be destroyed, but to live. And we have to have the discernment that Samson didn't have. At this point, we have to ask, why did Samson not just kick Delilah out? I mean, it's been three times now that Delilah has come to betray him. She's shown her true nature, that she does not have Samson's best interests at heart. She does not actually love him, despite what she says. But Samson doesn't see this likely doesn't want to see this, because he loves her, and he's blinded by that love. And Samson believes likely, that, well, if I can just give my whole heart to her, maybe I can prove my love to her. Maybe she will stop nagging about all this, and maybe we can just have this happily ever after that I'm dreaming about. But of course, you can't have a happily ever after with someone who's looking to destroy you. And so this is what Delilah attempts next. We see now in verse 16 that Delilah starts pressing Samson hard. Nagging, it says. And when she pressed him hard with her words day after day and urged him, his soul was vexed to death. And he told her all his heart and said to her, a razor has Never come upon my head, for I have been a Nazirite to God from my mother's womb. If my head is shaved, then my strength will leave me, and I shall become weak and be like any other man. When Delilah saw that he had told her all his heart, she sent and called the lords of the Philistines, saying, come up again, for he has told me all his heart. Then the lords of the Philistines came up with her and brought the money in their hands. We finally see the moment where love has completely blinded Samson spiritually. To see this threat that Satan has sent. Samson gives in, gives his whole heart, and exposes his weakness. And that weakness is now used against him. And his hair is cut, his strength leaves. And the Philistines come and take him captive. We then see that the Philistines actually gouge out Samson's eyes. And this is a picture of what has already occurred. Because, remember, he's been spiritually blind. And now the physical eyes being removed is this symbolic message of what has already occurred spiritually. How many times did it take for Samson to be betrayed until it was too late? Four different times. And three of those times, God exposed Delilah before Samson. And that was God's warning for Samson to get away from her. See, brothers and sisters, we have to understand that not everyone who says that they love you and actually do, and sometimes if God allows someone to be exposed before you, you need to believe what you're seeing and take the warning for what it is. There are many people who have been in situations like Samson, and things just got so far, and it became basically almost too late for them because the consequences just grew and grew the longer that they stayed in that unhealthy relationship. So I want to submit to you that especially if we have a childhood wound of rejection where we're looking to be accepted, it can be easy for us to compromise and let ourselves be damaged in pursuit of looking for that acceptance in another person. You know, like, it's people who are like Delilah, who is basically a type of narcissist. They can smell the blood. They can smell it when someone is already wounded, when they are looking to be accepted. And then they swoop in and they try and fill that by love bombing. And then this, after the love bombing has occurred, it's like, wow, I feel so happy, but made by Delilah. Delilah is showering me with all of this. And now then Delilah starts asking for things in return that are actually very dangerous. So if things are moving very quickly in a type of relationship, like it likely did With Delilah and Samson, slow down. And especially if you've got a wound of rejection, slow down and ask God to show you who this person is. If they are who they say they are, praise God. And if they're not, take notice. Delilah's words were ultimately sweeter than honey, but there was war in her heart. And this man whom no one could touch because he was so strong, Delilah completely disarmed, simply using her tongue. I also want you to see that Judas had the same tactics as Delilah. And there's many parallels in this story between Christ and Samson. We see that Judas also entered Jesus life as a close friend, becoming the treasurer of of Jesus ministry. We then see that Judas betrays Jesus for pieces of silver to the Pharisees. Just like Delilah betrayed Samson for these pieces of silver, Delilah exposed Samson's vulnerability. And in the same way Judas exposed Jesus vulnerability by telling the opponents where he's going to be, what is going to be an opportune time for him to be captured. We also see that Judas doesn't use physical strength or physical hostility. He uses his mouth, just as Delilah didn't use strength, but her mouth. I want to submit to you that these stories highlight for us how emotional abuse is just as much of a threat to people as physical abuse. Emotional psychological attacks, dangerous just as physical attacks are. I want to remind you that the moment where Samson gave up his vulnerability was after he was vexed. Even his soul being vexed to death, as it is written by her constant psychological attacks upon his mind. That's what broke his resolve. And so then we have to ask the simple question of where was God in all of this? See, in the life of Christ, when Judas betrays him and everything goes down, ultimately he's hanging on the cross. His disciple has fled. Most people are thinking at that point, this went very wrong. The ministry of Christ is over. Have we put false hope in him? They're asking. But ultimately, we know how the story ends. It ends with his resurrection from the dead, bringing life to the world. How Satan intended to use Judas to kill Christ ultimately actually brought salvation to many. God knew what was happening from the beginning, and he used the opponents and the evildoers, even weaving them into his plan to accomplish great good, turning evil into good. And that's the same thing that happens with Samson and Delilah's story, because Delilah is used by Satan, of course, to try and kill Samson at the end by the hands of the Philistines. And the Philistines capture him, right? They gouge out his eyes. And ultimately Samson ends up in this place where all of these Philistines are gathered. And he's leaning against these pillars. And ultimately he prays to God. And God honors him, blesses him with strength, and he tears down that house. And all of these Philistines are dead, freeing Israel from the oppression of the Philistines, just as Christ freed Israel and the world from the slaveries of sin. And so, brothers and sisters, I want to submit to you that even in spite of how things can go so wrong in our lives, in our relationships, as it did between the relationship between Judas and Christ or relationship between Delilah and Samson, God came in and he used it for a greater good. You see, brass sisters, like ultimately, I want you to see that God has called us to have this discernment to see, to open our eyes, not be blind spiritually. But even when we fall, even when we make a mistake, or when we don't make a mistake, but we're just deceived. And there was no way for us to see what was coming our way. Regardless if we are in Christ, if God is our Father in heaven, and if we cry out to him as Samson did when he was in the house of the Philistines, as Jesus did when he was in the garden of Gethsemane, or as Joseph did when he was locked in that prison, God will hear our cries, he will answer from heaven, and he will come and do a mighty work and not let our suffering be in vain. But the key is, is to humble yourself before the Lord and he will deliver you. Father, I pray that for those who have come before us, who you have delivered, you would remember us in the same way and deliver us of the oppressions, of the wicked, of the betrayers, of those who have lying tongues. Father, I pray that you would give us supernatural discernment to see. And Lord, if there is a relationship that is unhealthy in our lives, I pray that you would give us the insight to see any Delilah or Judas that is trying to hurt us. But Father, I also ask that, as it's written in the psalms by David, that when they dig a pit for us to fall into, that they would fall into their own trap. That they, when they try and destroy us spiritually, emotionally, physically, that you would see what is happening long before we do. And you would allow us to be set free and delivered from our oppressors. I pray, Lord, that you would bring freedom, Lord, to anyone listening right now who is struggling in a family, in a friend relationship, in a romantic relationship, whatever that looks like in a work relationship. I pray, Father, for discernment, wisdom, healing. And I pray for anyone, Lord, who is like a Delilah right now who may be watching this, or like a Judas who's scheming. I pray, Father, that you would grant them a heart of repentance that they would right now see in their own hearts what's there and give their life to you so you can deliver even them. I pray this name Yeshua Amin. Subscribe if you're new like the video comment below. Let me know what you think and can't wait to see in the next one. Shalom. Sam.