Save a broken marriage? Unexplained anxiety? Blotted out of the Book of Life? And more! (Q&A's)

Hey guys, welcome to another round of Q&As where I answer questions sent in from you guys. Today we have an interesting round of questions, a lot to do with very deep personal, emotional issues, trials that people are facing. And some of them are, how does the Bible instruct us to handle grief of a dead child? How can believers get victory over crippling shame and anxiety? Also, another question is regarding overcoming marital trials. Does the Bible give us an outline of what it takes for a marriage to overcome trial, even trials? Moses named legitimate for divorce. Another question is, can our names be removed from the book of life if we stop overcoming? And we're going to talk a bit about the end times there as well. So guys, thank you so much for joining me. I want to remind you, of course, I do not know everything, but I want to invite you on this journey with me as we use the Scriptures to look to it for guidance and answers to some of these questions and very real trials that all of us will face in our lives. And I think that in this moment, God is going to reveal things to some of us that we didn't even know were there, that we didn't even know we were struggling with. Without further ado, I wanted to start off with this first question from Amanda. And Amanda from Bethany, Oklahoma asks us about grief. And Amanda says, thank you. Rise on Far and All who's Prayed for My Daughter panel P. Horner, who was battling cancer for years. As of April 18th at the age of 19, she was healed, just not here on Earth. She goes on to say she got to go home to Jesus. She was her only child. And I'm finding it hard to get past the sadness. I know to turn to Yeshua during this time. I just don't know how long this season will last and I don't want to be doing something that makes Yeshua sad if me still looking through her memories and photos or keeping me in grief when he's actually trying to heal me. So here's my question. What does the Bible instruct on how to handle grief? What did Yeshua do? Is it an insult to Jesus to still be sad after a month? Thanks again. Okay, Amanda, thank you so much for being vulnerable and sending this in. First, I want to just take a moment and just say, you know, there's no words that I can say right now that's going to connect and describe exactly the incredible grief, sadness, hurt that you guys must be feeling right now. And I just want to say I'm so sorry. Losing a child at 19, God I pray for this family. I pray that you would. That you would just give them your comforter, your Holy Spirit in this time, that they would experience your presence and your peace. Amen. All right, well, that's a good start. I'm talking about myself here, First off. So, Amanda, you spoke about. Your question was, how does the Bible instruct you to handle this? What did Yeshua do? We're gonna talk about some of that. But there's something you asked that I want to answer first. And it was an insult to Jesus to still be sad after a month. And I want to tell you as clear as I can, no, it's not an insult to Jesus for you to be mourning even after a month. And I wanna tell you that if we are a year later from now and you are still struggling and you still have mourning in your heart, you have. Days are going to be easier. You can have days that are going to be hard. And that is still not going to be something that makes Yeshua sad. You know, I think there's something here that I want to just highlight that your concern in this time, right now, where you are in a time of mourning, your concern is about how Yeshua is feeling about this. And you're nervous about making him sad. And I think that our God in this moment is mourning with you. And he doesn't want you to be worried about making him sad because you're sad. I think he wants you to have the permission to feel, to experience all of what you have to like these emotions and to not try and bury them. Try and feel like you're not allowed to feel them because you are allowed God. God, Yeshua himself, Jesus. One of the shortest verses in the Bible was when Lazarus died. And it says, and he wept. That was it. That's what it says. And he wept. And if he has allowed that spice to weep, and it's told us loudly in the scriptures how he wept, and he knew what was going to happen. He knew that Lazarus is about to get resurrected, and yet he still wept with everyone around who was mourning the death of Lazarus. And so in the same way he, even though he knows that there is good news, even though he knows that there is a resurrection coming and there is a resurrection for your daughter, even though he knows this, he still weeps with us. Okay, so I hope that part is clear. Take as long as you need. You also then ask, what did Yeshua do regarding grief? Well, one of the first things he did is what I mentioned is that he grieved with those who were grieving. And that's what Romans 12:15 tells us, right? Rejoice with those who are rejoicing, weep with those who are weeping. So that's the first thing is community, that there is room to get around other believers here in this time who can support you, who can weep with you, and who can encourage you, and who can give you a shoulder to cry on. Right? That's something that we see in the Scriptures, that grieving is a community event. Okay, Another thing that I want to read to you is in 2 Corinthians 1:3, and we read this. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all of our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction or with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ, we share abundantly in comfort, too. All right, this is what you guys are going through right now. Amanda, you are sharing abundantly in Christ's sufferings. And one purpose of this is that one day that you'd be able to comfort those who are in affliction, because you can connect with this specific loss in a way that others can't. And there is power in that. God is going to use that. But don't worry about that right now. Right now you understand that God is comforting us, comforting you in all of your affliction, just as he has gone through that same affliction. And so that's now, right? The next question is, how do we handle it? How did Yeshua handle it? Now, Yeshua's greatest grief was around the time of his crucifixion, I believe. Right? Because we're seeing a whole bunch of things happening at the same time of extreme magnitude. We're seeing that Judas, his disciple, whom, I mean, Yeshua, loved his disciples, and that includes Judas, by the way. I think a lot of people don't know this, don't think about this, that there was a relationship, they were friends. And Judas is a child of God, right? As a disciple of the Messiah. And now there's this sudden betrayal, this extreme, murderous betrayal, selling the life of Christ. And then we see Yeshua. Of course, Jesus knows what's happening, what's coming. He goes to Gethsemane and he is grieving there, right? He's there with his Father, and he is. It even says in Matthew 26:38, when he is praying, he's saying, my soul is very sorrowful, even to death. And then he tells his disciples, remain here, watch with me. So he's sorrowful even to death. He feels like he could die from all of the sorrow that he is feeling. I don't know if you've ever felt that, dear listener, but it's possible to feel so much sorrow that you just feel like it's killing you. Then after Judas goes, betrays him, Israel believes, generally speaking, the false witnesses that are raised up against his life, that says that this man wants to destroy the temple of God and all kinds of false things like that. This is a murder of the soul of Yeshua, right? Because evil speech bearing a false witness, that's a type of murder of someone's reputation and. And character. And it is so harmful to the soul of a man who receives it that it is like an emotional murder, right? So he's experiencing that as well. And now also this powerful ministry, right, People are seeing it coming to an end. And so even though Yeshua is experiencing all of these things, even this is. This happens before he's on the cross. But. And it. And then he starts feeling like God has left him. In fact, we read, he says, my God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me from the words of my groaning? This is Psalm 22. This is what he quoted when he was during the crucifixion. And the interesting thing is that in the next chapter, because he was quoting from Psalm 22. So Psalm 23, I want to read that because this is really the. The part that is not in the New Testament, right? Like written out. But it is what Yeshua's resolution is, because he's saying, Psalm 22, Lord, why have you forsaken me? Psalm 23 is the answer to that. And we read it here. And this is for anyone who may feel like the Lord has forsaken them in their trial, by the way, and it says, the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in path of righteousness for his name's sake. And even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me. And this is the answer to it all, is the knowledge and knowing and faith that you are with me. God, you are by me. And that's what we read in Psalm 34 as well. Verse 18 where he says, the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, and but the Lord delivers him out of them all. And so the moment that you feel brokenhearted, God is saying, I am near you. In fact, I have experienced this myself, and I'm sure many of you have. The moment that you are brokenhearted, there is an elevated experiencing of the presence of God. And if you don't feel that, draw near to him, pray, call on his name, seek his face, and you will experience the nearness of God, his comfort, his peace in times of sorrow, in times of grieving. This is what Yeshua did in the Garden of Gethsemane. He went there because he went to draw near to the Father. That's why he told his disciples, watch with me. Don't fall asleep. He found it very important in order to find the Father's will in the midst of chaos and destruction and feelings of hopelessness. So even though he felt like, lord, you have forsaken me. Where are you? He knew the truth of the next chapter. The Lord is near to him because he's brokenhearted and the Lord will not leave him. And he knew that the Lord will raise him up. And that's God's promise to all of us. No matter what you're going through today, he's near. He's with you. Do not fear, because he is with you. Okay, so, Amanda, thank you for writing in. This is from South Africa, Jeffreys Bay. And the question is, I've been struggling with shame and anxiety for most of my life. Cognitively, I know there is no grounds for the pattern of shame to keep on repeating itself. It's been affecting the way I fellowship with other believers. How do we as believers get victory over crippling shame and anxiety? Good question. As a sent from someone who wishes to remain anonymous. And so something interesting that I noticed about this question is that you mentioned that I know there is no grounds for the pattern of shame to keep on repeating itself. Well, I want to challenge that a little bit. I believe that there are grounds for the pattern of shame to keep on repeating itself. I mean, that's why it's repeating itself. There is a reason, in other words, for this shame to keep on rearing its head in your life. But I understand what you're saying. Right, I understand because you're saying, I don't see the grounds for why I experience shame. And in other words, this doesn't seem to be an environmental thing. It's not like oh, I'm experiencing shame because something is happening around me. There's someone who's pointing their finger at me and shaming me, like that's not what's happening. And so, you know, then we, when we're in, when we're feeling things that are out of this environment that we're in, we're like, where does this come from? There's, there's no grounds for this. Well, there are. It's just that we don't know what the grounds are. And so this is why I'm gonna encourage that there is a discovery process that will need to take place to figure out why this is happening. And usually if this is something that's not happening in your environment that's causing you to feel these negative emotions, then it's usually historical. It's because something has happened in your life before, so significant, perhaps traumatic, that it has caused an injury emotionally. And you know, people, if you punch someone through the face, don't do this, but if you did, that's going to cause an injury. They're going to have to go to a doctor, they may have to get stitches and they need to get healing there, right? And maybe a follow up appointment if it's a really severe wound. Now if we are wounded emotionally by something that happened to us, we think that, well, if I just, you know, just kind of get up the next morning, that wound is going to resolve itself. And most of the times it does. But sometimes something has been done that's so deep that it doesn't resolve on its own and then it rears its head 10 years later, 20 years later, and throughout our life perhaps. And we can think, well, this is what sometimes happens. Sometimes it's something in our environment that causes it and then that just, that needs to be dealt with. Sometimes we think it's something in our environment, but it's actually that's not the root issue either. That's just triggering us. And because it's bringing up that old wound again and then we feel all those old emotions of say, shame, in this case all over again. We think it's something that my mom said, something my brother said, something my sister, my wife or my husband said. And. But if our reaction is so overwhelming compared to what they said, that means that what they said triggered something that's deeper, it's bigger, and it's perhaps historical. Okay, I'm just trying to touch on many threads here because I think this can be relevant to many people out there. So just as an example, if you think about children Children are deeply impacted. They're very vulnerable because they're developing. You know, they're two years old. That's an age before we remember things. But even at two years old, you know, things that happened to a child can still impact that child's emotional development. And so sometimes we think about obvious things. We think about emotional abuse, we think about sexual abuse. These are obvious things that we can look at. But sometimes it's not that obvious. And in a case like this, you know, the person who's asking this question is basically saying, I don't know what this is. So in other words, it's not an obvious thing. So I want to submit to you that. Let's just make an example quick because I don't know, we have to dig in, right, to figure out specifically what is the problem. But I'm going to give you an example so that we can start thinking about this in our own lives. And if there's something similar or yeah. That happened to us. So imagine this. Imagine there is a child. Child feels very sad. Child goes to mommy, child says, mommy, I feel very, very sad. Okay, now the right thing to do for that mom would be, would be to do this child. Oh, you're sad. Tell me about it. What do you feel sad about? And you listen and you, oh, no, right, that I can understand how you can feel sad because you know, you didn't get the sweetie that your father promised you'd get today. Right? Or whatever it is. Okay, but now let's change this up. Imagine the mom responds this way. Imagine the mom says, oh, you're sad. Well, don't say that because now you're making mommy sad or oh, you're sad. Well, let me tell you actually why I'm sad right now. Immediately the mom has made it about her emotions and basically told the child that you're not allowed to express your sadness because you're gonna cause me to be sad. And now the child's like, well, I don't want to make my mommy sad, so I'm not gonna say to mommy that I'm sad. And suddenly it's unsafe to be sad. So that child grows up and one day when this is now, you know, a 20, 25, 30 year old adult, it's still unsafe to be sad. So now we're, when that person feels sad because of a normal thing, a real reason to be sad, we all will have those reasons. Suddenly the guilt, the shame comes in because I was never allowed to feel sad when I was 2, 3, 4, 5 years old and so now I don't know why I feel guilty. I don't know why I feel ashamed. I don't know why. Right. Because nothing in my environment around me today should make me feel ashamed. But I do, and I don't understand why. And so, just as an example here, how something can affect us very, very deeply from childhood. And now imagine this is what happens in marriages. Imagine where you have a relationship and they do something that causes you to be sad. And now you don't just feel sad, and you don't just feel like you can't express that sadness because you've been taught you're not allowed to and it's unsafe. But now you feel shame at the same time. And because you can't figure out where all this is coming from. You, your brain and your mind, and, you know, you think, it's my spouse. They're the reason I feel ashamed. They're the reason I don't feel safe. They're the reason. And then it becomes difficult because we never actually get to the core issue, and we don't actually heal the wound because we're looking at the wrong thing. And this is where Satan comes into situations because that's what he wants. He wants us to be distracted. Because as long as we're distracted with all these other things, all these other quarrels, all these other strings that are not the root reason why we feel the way we do, we will never address the root, and we'll continue, even for the rest of our life, to feel the shame or whatever because we're not addressing the core thing. So when there is a hypersensitivity, it usually has common because of trauma or emotional neglect from childhood. And so what do we need to do? Well, we need to become aware of the trigger. In other words, try and figure out what triggers the sadness or what triggers the shame in this case. Right, not the sadness. I mean, the shame. What triggers the shame? Is it. And this can be something that is really, like, not a big deal. Doesn't seem like a big deal. But if there is a trigger, identify those triggers. And then you need to learn the truth. In other words, repeating the truth of the situation in your mind. Because when you were a child and your mom said, well, you are not allowed to feel sad. That's a falsehood. Right? That's not biblical. That's not God's heart. And so the truth is you are allowed to feel sad, and it's not a burden to express that sadness to someone else. It's okay. And you deserve to be Heard and validated, right? Those are healthy things. And coming to that understanding will set you free. While also being cognizant of how that hypersensitivity you may have is going to affect others. And also being understanding of others, you know, expressing that to others. Hey, I'm sensitive in this area because of this trigger I have trying to work with people, right? In these situations, it's easy to get angry at people and because they don't understand, or they get angry at you because they don't understand you. What's key is this communication, compassion in these situations. But it definitely is going to be you that need to do the work to create these new neural pathways in your mind. You know, the Bible talks about renewing the mind. That's just basically saying the mind can be healed by the truth. That if we keep repeating the truth over a wound, a falsehood of lies, we can actually rewire our minds by renewing it and we can actually change the way we think. And we can then these emotions of say, shame if we feel it and we're like, oh, I'm feeling that shame again. This is why I'm feeling it. Brain, like renewing my mind. The truth is, is that I was taught that I'm not allowed to feel sad, but the Bible declares that I can even be angry. That's what it says, be angry, but do not sin. God allows us our emotions. Just don't sin. That's the truth. Let that truth saturate your mind, Renew it so that you can reteach your mind to be safe. And really it is quite key for many people in this situation, if they're really struggling with this, to meet with a believer who can help walk with them on this journey of discovery and healing. And yeah, what I want to say is that when we don't know, it can be very confusing. But the key is to really come to this understanding that this is something I need to work on. Because some people, sometimes what can happen is we start blaming just everyone else. But the thing is that while others people need to support you and your journey to healing, they can't do the work on your behalf. You need to do the work. You need to journey here with this more than anyone else. Because what sometimes can happen is that we are confused as to where it comes from and Satan wants us to just, like I said, be distracted, blame someone who's not actually at fault. And then we're just running in circles for the rest of our lives. And. And then there isn't really the right medication for the wound that we have. So very difficult to address this in a video like this past what I've just done, because it's going to need personal, individual and a personal touch. But I hope that this, at least for someone out there, meant something in terms of how deep this stuff can run. And maybe there is a trigger that you start seeing in your life. Maybe there's something, a pattern that you start seeing in your life. Look for those patterns. Recognize them. Don't feel scared of it. Don't be scared of going into finding healing. Because again, that's what Satan wants. He wants you scared. He wants you isolated. He wants you running in circles. He wants you repeating the pattern. And we can break the cycle. There is healing. There is freedom for you. And you need to recognize that the power of God is available to you, but it needs you to say, lord, this is what it is on the table. I need you to help me. I need healing. I need to recognize that this has become a part of me and I don't want this in me anymore that's so important. Okay, thank you so much for staying in that question. I hope that this has helped. It's such a good question. The next one is going to be regarding marital trials. And it goes like this from Sheena in Brooklyn. And Sheena writes in does the Bible give an outline of what it takes for a marriage to overcome trials, even trials? Moses named legitimate for divorce. All right, so it sounds like we are talking about not just every marriage is going to have trials, but we're not just talking about typical trials. We're talking about even trials. Moses named legitimate for divorce. In other words, we're talking about serious stuff like adultery or, you know, some form of sexual immorality or some other severe breach of trust. And that's really the question is it's to do with breach of trust in marriage. And that's where a lot of the very serious marital issues end up, is with a breach of trust. I can't trust him anymore. She can't trust me anymore. And what it's going to take is two people, first of all, who are willing to come to the table with radical accountability for whatever mistakes they have made or, you know, whatever party is the one who's done this very severe thing, taking radical accountability for that repentance and showing remorse. And then on the other side, the party who was offended for that party to forgive this offense and to choose to move forward in pursuing trust. But the thing is that that pursuit of trust can only be realistically Pursued. And trust can only be restored if the party who broke the trust is going to show real remorse. Right. If there is adultery, for example, restoration is possible. God can heal that. Absolutely. I've seen it. God can do it. But it is going to mean that the party who committed the adultery, for example, comes to the table and says, I'm going to be. I'm going to do whatever I need to do to show to my partner, who's now lost trust in me, that they can trust me again. In other words, I'm going to make sure that they always know where I'm going. I'm going to let them have open access to my phone so they can check that I'm not busy with cheating again. I'm going to let them track my location. I'm going, right? Like, whatever really needs. Whatever that is, like, that needs to. There has to be now a radical openness and vulnerability like never before in order to be above reproach in every manner and form. Because. And then over a period of time, by doing that and being honest and meeting that person, being patient with. With the person who you broke trust with, you know, when they have another suspicion one day, that's not their. Like, that's not their fault, that's your fault because you betrayed them. So you have to be gracious when they have that suspicion again. And you have to meet them there and be open, not offended, open and say, let me see how I can meet you, how I can alleviate your fears, your concerns. Right? Basically, this is what remorse looks like. It's working with the person and showing that accountability, okay? The other thing is that sometimes, depending on the situation, accountability is going to need outside help. Matthew 18 is very relevant to marriages as well, where Yeshua talks to us about, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between the two of you, right? This is what happens in marriages. Every day a husband or a wife hurt one another, right, in some way. And then they go and they tell each other, you hurt me in this way, or, you know, vice versa. And then they fix things, they talk things out, they ask for forgiveness, and they. They work together, right? But if there are things that have happened where they. You tell him or she tells you, whatever, something, and it's not getting resolved. In other words, they're not getting it. They're not, as Yeshua said, if he listens to you, okay, cool, you've gained your brother. But if he does not listen, they're not getting it. They're not seeing it, then you go and you bring in someone else, take one or two others along with you, Right? And so that would be what we would call today in modern terms, something like marriage counseling, going before your pastor or some elder and discussing things. A lot of times people just don't see eye to eye. They don't understand each other. They have their own perceptions and perspectives, and these things need to be talked out. And then, you know, if they even refuse to, if there is an obvious offense and they have sinned and they refuse to listen, then that person should be addressed by the church as a gentile and tax collector, basically as an unbeliever. They will be now an unbeliever because they refuse to repent of their sin. That's the prophecies of Matthew 18. So there is immediate involvement with the biblical community, the fellowship when things get bad enough, that's another thing we see. But now let's talk about a bit of the biblical guidance on how we should be treating one another. I want to talk about Ephesians, the book of ephesians, because Ephesians 4, 5 and so on gives a lot of good counsel regarding how we should be treating one another. We see in Ephesians 4:30 that we read, do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice. And he says, instead, be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Right? So here we've seen a few things that are really destructive to a marriage or any relationship, right? Bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander. These are things that we all need to guard against because we're all going to be tempted. We're going to have situations where we just want to feel better. We want to feel wrath, we want to feel angry, we want to feel like we want to just slander and tell people. We want to feel all this. We're all going to have this, but the question is, are we going to rather respond in the Spirit? Because remember, this is all about the Holy Spirit. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit. So this is how he wants us to act. Be kind, tender hearted, forgiving. Let me read this to Ephesians 5:33. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. These are commandments. Commandments has to be there. Okay, so we've now looked at accountability. We've looked at love and respect. We've looked at being kind and tender hearted and forgiving and understanding. Right. These are all biblical things that God calls us to do. But so in a unhealthy marriage, we're going to see the opposites. We're going to see contempt instead of respect. We're going to see criticism instead of kindness. We're going to see defensiveness versus accountability and forgiveness. We're going to see stonewalling compared to tenderheartedness. Right. So there's these elements that show up that I just talked about in a marriage that's heading the wrong way. So contempt is something we see, for example, in a unhealthy marriage. This is verbal attacks on the sense of self, of a person, to insult them or to even abuse them. And one of the things that we can, I'm just going to give you some basic things we can do if this is happening, depending on what's going on in your marriage, if there is contempt, what needs to happen is gentleness, kindness. Especially when we have moments where we need to discuss serious issues, we're going to have enter it with gentleness. That means we're not going to, you know, if someone has wronged you, you want to go and say, you wronged me in this way, right? And we're like here at 80 already, maybe we're angry and we're like, we're really coming at them. But really God wants us to be kind, gentle, tender hearted. So the startup from the beginning, we need to start here really like low, not, not up here. Because if we're up here, we're coming at them. They're just going to be defensive. They're going to put up all their walls. They're not gonna, you're not gonna get what you want because you want them to be accountable to whatever they've done. You want them to listen. But the moment that we're coming at them here, we shut them, we shut all that down because when the, when our emotions run high, emotions will run high in them and then that shuts down the, the part of our brains that deal with logic and reason and, and all the things we need and conflict resolution. Instead, there's just like emotion. And so then it's just not going to be helpful. So make sure that we are, we're going to make sure we're gentle in our startup and all the way through and that we use I statements instead of criticism and accusation. So I feel emotionally neglected in our relationship. And I would love if we can work towards reconnecting in this or that way, compared to, you're not spending enough time with me, you're spending all of your time on this and that you obviously don't care about me. You see the difference there? It's going to make a big difference. Another thing is, if we're going with criticism and we're attacking someone's character, you're not this, you're not that. Rather, what we should do if we feel ourselves going that way is rather be in gratitude. Rather think about what you're grateful for in your spouse and express that. See, whatever you think about is going to come out of the mouth. So if you think about everything they're doing wrong, that's going to all, be all you ever tell them. And they're not. It's just not going to help work. If you show them, if you think about what you're grateful for and you express that gratitude, that's going to build them up. It's going to encourage them. That's going to make them into the man or woman that you want them to be, because your words will build them up. If you keep telling them what they're not, they're never going to become what you want them to be in your marriage. And so if you build them up with gratitude, you are actually encouraging their good behaviors. And that's going to be something that you'll see more of then, because they want to hear more of your gratitude expressed. Because it's good, it feels good. I mean, if someone tells you, hey, when you, when you, when you took out the trash, you did such a good job yesterday, I appreciated that so much, I want to let you know, I saw that, you know, instead of today, you didn't take out the trash, right? Yeah. Think about that. It's one strategy. Another thing is defensiveness and defensiveness we touched on. And this goes both ways, right? If we, if we see defensiveness happening in a marriage, what we're, we're dealing with in one party who's feeling, you know, they may have made a mistake and now, you know, they're being approached and maybe approached quite with criticism or maybe with contempt. And now, right, there's. It's hard to be accountable. It's hard to be apologizing in that situation, although it's only possible, it's difficult. So what we're going to do is we're going to try and approach with gratitude, with gentle startup, and then we're going to have a better shot at coming to a conversation where there's not defensiveness, but there is a Responsibility on the party who has done wrong, right? Like who's done someone wrong. To also actually be humble and be apologetic when they have wronged. It's important. Accountability, it's important. And, and then on the other side when they are showing that, that, that, that desire to understand how they have hurt you, then you should also be open to extending true forgiveness to them because it doesn't help that like you want them to apologize but you don't want to forgive and then you want to have them keep apologizing so that you can kind of keep holding this over them, but you don't forgive them. Right. So there's responsibility on both ends in every situation. And remember we read let all bitterness be put away from you. Let anger be put away from you. Rather be kind, tender hearted and forgiving. Right. So there's responsibility to forgive and not be bitter. And with that comes along this, the need to try and understand one another. You know, I think sometimes we're so angry because of whatever's happened that we throw out the will to understand. Because sometimes someone isn't doing something to the other that's just out of being evil or malicious. Sometimes it's especially when it comes to men and women who, men and women, they operate differently. And sometimes there's just two different perspectives. And it's not that one is right and wrong and wrong necessarily, it's that we are dealing with this situation where there is a third perspective which is actually the truth. And that's kind of taking both perspectives, coming together and then they can come to a mutual understanding of one another which is called the truth. The truth isn't just what you think, it's not just what they think. It's when both people come together, share in understanding and grace and love and they understand one another. Even if there is someone who did something wrong. Right. Like legitimately, like this is just wrong. There's still a reason why they usually did that and there's still room that needs to be given for them to express that so that they can feel heard and understood even in the midst of their apologies and the need for their apologies. Right. And then the last thing I mentioned is stonewalling, right? This is withdrawal. This is when in a relationship there is a withdrawal to signal disapproval, distance, separation to the other person. Basically, I'm angry at you, I don't want to talk to you right now. Go away. I'm going to withdraw from you. Right? That's not a good thing in any healthy marriage. And so there is room for self soothing And I think that's very important in marriage. Where we need, if we feel emotionally charged, high on emotions, angry, sad, hurt, it's okay to take a break. It's important to take a break. It's important to just take a time, go do something that's not thinking about. I can't believe what they did to me. Not that, don't go and do that, that's not going to help you, that's not going to self soothe you. Go and do something just relaxing, walk somewhere in nature or do something nice that's just relaxing and not breathing bitterness in your heart. And then return when you feel calm to the conversation and resolve it. Don't let stonewalling and this withdrawal become a perpetual thing. Don't let it become a long term thing, don't let it become a tool to control the other person. Rather take time away and then get back together, talk things out, work things out. With all of the above that I have discussed here, with all of the things that the scripture calls us to, to be kind, tender, hearted, forgiving, show that love, show that respect, that's going to be essential. And if you guys can't fix things alone, they can't see your perspective. You've tried, you've tried, you've tried. Get someone else involved. That's what Christ calls us to. Okay, so this question is from Beverly, please, can you explain this verse? Can our names be removed from the book of life if we stop overcoming, does this back up the scripture? Those who endure or overcome to the end will be saved. Is this scripture highlighting the fact that just accepting Yeshua and being baptized is not enough to be written in the book of life? First we read in Revelation 20:15 and if anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire. This is happening in the end. So the book of life is this book where names are in of every person who is going to be saved by the blood of the Lamb, by Jesus. And if the name is not in there, they will be thrown into the lake of fire. Okay, I'm going to read Revelation 13 as well. Revelation 13, verse 8 says, Come on, here we go. And all who dwell on the earth will worship it. Talking about what? Talking about the beast. Because we're talking about the end of the days, the mark of the beast and worshiping the beast. And here in verse 8, all who dwell on the earth will worship it. Everyone whose name has not been written before, the foundation of the world in the book of Life, of The lamb who was slain. Okay, these are the people who is going to be worshiping the beast. People who don't have their name in the book of life. But notice that these names were written before the foundation of the world was laid. In other words, before the earth was created, this book was already written and the names already put in the book. Okay? That's what the Bible says. So now when we're talking about blotting out of the names, because that's kind of what this question was alluding to, right? We're going to read in Psalm 69, 28, let them be blotted out of the book of the living. Let them not be enrolled among the righteous. So there's this alluding to the possibility that someone can be blotted out of the Book of life. Let's look at who's going to be in the book. Specifically, we see in Revelation 3. 5, the, the 1 who conquers will be clothed us in white garments. And I will never blot his name out of the book of life. I will confess his name before my Father and before his angels. So here we also read about the possibility of your name being blotted out of the book of life, but that if we conquer, we will be confessed before the Father. Okay, so what does it mean to be conquered? To conquer. We're going to get to that in a minute. I first want to look at who will not be in the book of life. Exodus 32, 32 says, this is Moses. Remember when Israel was sinning and they were building their golden calf? See if I can. Yeah, here we go. We're in the chapter of the golden calf, Exodus 32. And in verse 32, it says, but now if you will forgive their sin, but if not, please blot me out of the book that you have written. Right? So Moses is asking God, hey, just have mercy and even take up my book. My name out of the book, verse 33. But the Lord said to Moses, whoever has sinned against me, I will blot out of my book. All right? So whoever has sinned against me, that is the reason. That is how you get blotted out. If you do not conquer. And if you start walking in this sin that is described here against God, what is the sin? In this case? It was worshiping another God. A golden calf, an idol. But there are many sins that are leading to death, and idol worship is not the only one. And so we are talking now about. We're now getting to this discussion of, you know, what are we talking? Like, where Is that line, because all people have fallen short, all people have sinned, Right? All people. The one who says he has no sin is a liar and the truth is not in him. So, you know, does this mean, like, oh my, like, if I sin today, I'm going to be blotted out of the book of life. Right? So we have to try and figure out, like, what does this actually mean? Where does that line. And I want to go to 1 Corinthians 9:25, where Paul talks about this. He says, every athlete exercises self control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly, I do not box as one beating the air, but I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others, I myself should be disqualified. Paul is saying, I, even as the apostle Paul, can be disqualified. Yeah, I can be disqualified if I do not discipline my body and keep myself under control. So if I lose control of myself, my body, I lose control to what? To sin. I can be disqualified. I will they not conquer. I will not overcome. I will not run to the end. See, this is what he's talking about. He's running like an athlete and he's saying, I need to run the race to the end. I need to overcome, I need to conquer. Run as one who's intending to win. Right? That's what it means to follow God with all we have. And so this is not a case where it's like, oh, no, I sinned today, I made a mistake, my name's blotted out. No, we're talking about people who are falling into rebellion towards God through their sin. In other words, they are in habitual, unrepentant sin. They say, I believe, I believe. But they are busy with something that is habitual and rebellious against God. They don't intend on repenting. And they think that, well, I asked Jesus into my heart, so I must be okay, well, Paul says I need to run, exercise self control, lest I myself should be disqualified. I want to remind you of Ananias and Sapphira. They were this couple who came in Acts 5 and they lied about how much they were giving right, regarding the selling of this land that they had. And because of this, Ananias was struck down and died right there. And then his wife Sapphira as well. They thought that they could lie to God and hide their sin whilst being in the community of believers whilst quote unquote, going to church. And yet God saw that they were not who they said they were. In other words, if you say that you're a believer, then act like it. Act like it. That's what it comes down to. Now, if you made a mistake today and like, oh my, I told a lie today. Oh my, I should not have told that lie. Oh, my Lord, forgive me, a sinner. Help me to not do that again. I should not have done that. Empower me. Forgive me. Oh, God, help me. Right, there's that versus Ananias and Sapphira, who's lying, who's acting like nothing is going on, who's smiling and waving about this to everyone. There's a difference there. See, either you're going to humble yourself before God, get on your knees and say, lord, forgive me, a sinner, or he's going to humble you and strike you down. Like Ananias and Sapphira, their bodies hit the ground. It was not in. It just wasn't their choice. So you can have your body hit the ground in a humble humility before God, humble forgive, repentance and asking for forgiveness. God, forgive me, a sinner. Or you can end up like Ananias and Sapphira. It's a hard word, I know, but this is the reality of what's written. This is what happened to them. And I want to remind you of this because it's a. A sober warning to us all. So the question was, is the scripture highlighting the fact that just accepting Yeshua and being baptized is not enough to be written in the book of life? So I want to answer by saying it is enough. We're saved by faith. We're saved by faith, and it's not by our works, but we are saved by faith. And faith means that we actually have fruits that are produced that are going to be good and they are going to be indicative of a believer. But we are saved by the blood of the Lamb, not by our works, not by what we've done, but by what he's done. You know, no matter what you're going through in your life, if you feel like, man, I'm in trial, I feel far. My relationships are struggling or I've lost someone. I'm worried about a prodigal son or daughter wherever you're at. I think that there's a lot of people going through that right now. And I just want to reach out to you with this prayer and for the Lord to comfort you. Father, I pray that anyone who's listening to this right now, who's just feeling like they're facing an impossible situation, I Pray, Lord, that you would come with your spirit and strengthen them. Just strengthen them today. Today is the day that you've made. And the sun is going to shine tomorrow and the day thereafter and the day thereafter, because you make every day. And one day, Lord, we're going to be in the presence of you where it says that there will not be a sun that's going to come up and go down anymore, for you are going to be the light. In other words, it's going to be day forevermore. And that's awaiting us. So we have. We. We do not have to worry of your presence forsaking us ever. And so, Father, I ask for your presence to be near the brokenhearted tonight. I ask for your presence to awake the heart of anyone who is feeling shame or utter emotions which they can't place. Pray that you would give them healing in their hearts supernaturally. Pray that any trauma of the past you would heal, that you would give them the strength to face whatever they need. Father, I pray, Lord, also, for anyone who's recognized here tonight that they are in habitual or unrepentant sin. I pray, Lord, that you would forgive them faithfully, as you've said. If you confess your sins, I will forgive you of all transgressions. Lord. I pray that that promise would be made manifest to everyone here as we confess our sins, ask forgiveness and take joy in your redemption. Thank you, my Lord, for making us new. Amen. Thank you for joining me. May the Father bless and keep you, shine his face upon you, lift up his countenance upon you, give you his shalom. Sat.